Finding Emotional Safety in the Wake of the LA Fires

Jan 16, 2025

By: Rachel Brousseau, LMFT, PMH-C, RDT-BCT, Curriculum Director for Parent & Me Program

What we have experienced as a community in Los Angeles due to the wildfires has been devastating and heartbreaking. As the fires grew, we began to hear from friends and loved ones updating us on how they were doing and if they were safe. Some had to evacuate and lost everything or are still waiting to find out if their home is there. Others were on edge, waiting to find out if they would have to evacuate. Many tracked their apps and the news to see what direction the fires were going to stay vigilant, knowing that things could change quickly.

When tragedy occurs, it can be hard to feel a sense of safety. Even though you may be physically safe, you could still be struggling emotionally. All the loss, tragedy, and uncertainty can leave you feeling anxious, hypervigilant, grief-stricken, heartbroken, scared, and overwhelmed. When we have children, we have to not only ground ourselves but also support them in feeling a sense of safety.

When we experience trauma, our sympathetic nervous system is activated and we go into fight, flight, or freeze responses. This can be reactivated when something occurs that reminds us of current or past trauma. It’s important to feel both physically and emotionally safe. If you are not yet physically safe, you won’t yet be able to engage in activities that help you feel emotionally safe.

Everyone is different, so a strategy that works for one person may not be the answer for someone else. Here are a few ideas of things you can try to feel more emotionally stable during this difficult time. Many of these activities are things you can do with your children. Remember, when you are grounded, it helps your children feel more secure as well.

1. Check in with yourself. How are you doing emotionally? This can be a complicated question. You may be feeling overwhelmed and grateful while also feeling guilty. You may notice physical symptoms in your body as stress responses. There is not one way that you are supposed to feel during and after a crisis. Acknowledge that your feelings are real and valid. Don’t minimize how you feel. Talk with a trusted friend or loved one about how you are doing. If there is something you need, ask for help.

2. Connect with others.

· Checking in with friends and family can help you feel less alone and helpless. Some of your friends may be experiencing deep grief and loss. Don’t try to change the way someone feels. All feelings are valid, and all experiences are individual. Let your friends and family know you are there for them.

· If you have the capacity to volunteer, find an organization that needs your help.

3. Talk with your children about how they are feeling.

· Listen and validate their experiences.

· Support them in feeling safe.

· Allow them to express themselves.

· Use age-appropriate language to help them understand what is happening.

· Use children’s books to talk about their feelings and experience.

· Engage in enjoyable activities with them to help them feel cared for and connected.

4. Be aware of your media consumption. Seeing distressing images over and over can impact our sense of stability. These images may be especially distressing for children.

5. Take brain breaks. When crisis occurs, our brains go into overdrive and mental fatigue can set in. It’s important to take intentional breaks to give your brain a chance to rest. Doing an enjoyable activity like listening to a podcast, reading, or doing a puzzle can give your brain a moment to decompress.

6. Take deep breaths. One breathing exercise is to put both hands on your heart with a light pressure. Take a deep breath in through the nose for a count of four. Hold the breath and say to yourself, “I am safe.” Breath out of your mouth for a count of six. Do this several times in a row.

7. Push against a wall with your hands or back. This activates the parasympathetic nervous system and helps to get emotional energy out that you are storing in the body.

8. Move your body. When we are experiencing stress, our bodies can tense up. Taking some time to stretch or exercise can help release tension.

9. Visualize a person, place, or thing that brings you calm or joy. Take a moment to visualize one of these things, paying attention to the senses you experience within the picture you have created in your mind. In the visualization, what do you see, hear, taste, smell, touch? If you enjoy engaging creatively, draw of picture of what you have imagined. Notice how your body is feeling as you do this.

10. Ground yourself with mindfulness. It’s important to take moments throughout the day to ground yourself. There are many ways to do this. If you can access the internet, there are quite a few guided meditations to help with feelings of safety. Here are a few mindfulness exercises to try.

· Sit on a chair or sofa with both feet on the ground. Notice where your body is making contact with the surface. Name each body part that is touching a part of the surface. Also, notice the texture of the of the surface you are on. Is it hard or soft? Is the temperature in the room pleasant?

· Make yourself a cup of tea. Use your senses to focus on the moment. What color is the tea? What does it smell like? What is the temperature of the mug? How does it taste?

· When washing your hands. Feel the sensation and temperature of the water. Smell the scent of the soap. Take a few deep breaths in and out.

Sometimes more help is needed to process and begin healing from our experiences. This is when seeking mental health support is important. Remember, you are not alone. There are many people who want to help.

Here is a list of resources to support families and children affected by the LA wildfires.

Helplines:

· Disaster Distress Helpline: The first national hotline dedicated to providing year-round disaster crisis counseling. Call or text 800-985-5990 (available 24/7).

· LA County 24/7 Mental Health Helpline: Call 800-854-7771 for immediate assistance.

Apps to support mental health:

· iChill – The Trauma Resource Institute

· Bounce Back Now

Books to help children:

· A Terrible Thing Happened: A Story for Children Who Have Witnessed Violence or Trauma by Margaret M. Holmes

· Trinka and Sam: The Big Fire (downloadable). - National Child Traumatic Stress Network

Resource guides:

· Age-Related Reactions to a Traumatic Event - National Child Traumatic Stress Network

· After a Crisis: How Young Children Heal - National Child Traumatic Stress Network

· Free and Discounted Resources for Victims of Los Angeles-area Fires (including baby supplies, prenatal care, and childcare) – Los Angeles Times

· Resources to Support Those Affected by the LA Fires – Los Angeles Homeless Services Authority (LAHSA)